I suck, but my ego won't let me apologize. I tried though, not hard enough, i admit it, but i tried. I didn't get any answer. I don't get it still, i didn't do anything wrong, i think, i just refused to talk, it's not a crime, she should got used to it anyway. Depuis l'temps.

I don't want the mood to stay like that, i'm too weak to be able to manage all the hostility. I'll break down sooner or later, probably at home, so it won't be such a big deal.

I guess that to her, it doesn't matter that much, she seems okay with it. She doesn't seem that affected. She never did, she never will. What am I Anyway ? Just another person she spends time with when she's bored, when nobody else's available.

Bon, mettons les choses au clair, je suis nulle. Nulle, faible, et encore nulle. C'est entièrement ma faute, donc j'essaie de faire des efforts. Peut-être que si je n'étais pas ce que je suis, je n'aurais pas fait autant d'erreurs. Mais si c'était à refaires, je commettrai la moitié des fautes que j'ai faites, parce que c'est pas la mort, et que ça n'a jamais tué personne, ou presque.

Incroyable que que 3/4 d'heure à ne rien foutre peuvent bousiller ton humeur.

Smells like crap. It stinks [ <~ Deep <3 ] and i'm hungry [ <~ Even deeper ] I'm an ass and i know it, i can be the last person anyway would like because i'm just too fuckin' moody, i have my reasons, but i never tell them, and it's a little problem. Maybe if i opened up a little more, it would be better, but it's just hard, talk about everything to people is just difficult for me. It feels better if i keep it to myself. Because after my mood changers, it feels like it was nothing, and i'm affraid to be juged. I guess i just don't want to hear any comments about how weak i am and how it is nothing compared to what they're going through. So i just keep my mouth shut, even if things aren't better that way either.

God this can't be good. I'm pretty sure we're not going to the ALC together today. She has her dentist or her operation, or both. Yeah, maybe both. I wonder i mum was right, older people know better, they have more experience, i shouldn't be so harsh on mum ...

I think it would be better if we don't go there together, there would just be so much "love" waves.

She's not affected at all, how delightful.

I'm awful, i mean, i'm such a weird person. I spend my whole day rejecting people, trying to get some alone time, and then, i cry because i am actually alone.

I should stop complaining cause most of my problems are due to nothing but myself. But i keep blaming everything else, exept me. I'm in complete denial.

I actually envy people who are able to display any face at any time. When i try, it looks fake.

I got everything, honestly. I should be a little more thankful.

I surely do miss him, i keep fantasizing about him night and day, but it's not enough, i need to feel him next to me, not at hundred miles away.

Nobody really cares about what you have to say, they just want to get over it as soon as possible. They ask only so they don't look careless, but they don't really give a shit about what you feel.

Does it matter anyway ? I don't mean a thing to anyone, i'm just another nobody.

Life isn't the perfect wonderland, i know it, even if sometimes i have a gullible vision of it. I'm expecting things to solve themselves, black to turn to white, in the blink of an eye. I'm only able to make things worse, when it comes to the opposite, it's pretty impossible.

I'm pretty good at complaining and crying for nothing, its ... wow. I can break down to tears for pretty much anything. Because an exercise is too hard or because i miss him.

Dah.